the truth about the p07n queen

i feel that i owe it to the world in general to reveal the truth as to how it was that daku consolidated her position as a porn queen. well not in the usual, common, crass sense but in her own style. after all who is the real queen? the artist who just, well for want of a better word, "performs", or the sleek gangster who rakes in the moolah and spreads her distribution network for procreational cinema? she probably realized that she was destined for greatness long before i first met her and like many successful people, she was looking around for some pro-bono work. and here was her chance - a poor desi, stranded in redwood shores with a VCR and no tapes. and before i knew what was up i had a drawer full of high-brow porn (the lady, one admits, has class) in my room. most of the titles were understated but some i must admit were really tawdry like the one with a john-travolta lookalike on the cover - dirty dancing (where do they come up with such names)!

/me being the sharing kind, offered daku's largesse to my friend, whom we shall not name here. now, he is a very focused person and has his priorities all set out in mind. so unlike me, he didnt want anything to do with most of daku's pretentious stuff. he believed in keeping it simple and opted for the ones that proclaimed proudly what they held inside. one of the tapes was "exotica", a name which really cracked me up. what kind of a loser would name a movie that! i mean just change a letter and u have a box office hit! well, when the time came for me to leave and i had returned the bulk of her "babies" to daku, i remembered the others left with him and asked abdul to get those for daku.

with hindsight, i do confess that it was a bit of an unfortunate thing to do as it brought daku all this publicity. i guess part of the secret of being a successful porn trafficker is in keeping a low profile and not flaunting ur stuff (no pun whatsoever intended). i mean we all know what happened to capone. and thus i think it was irresponsible of glam to leave the merchandise out in the open where prying eyes could easily spot them without even attempting at prying.

i dont know what it is about the partially nude female form that attracts men (i mean i do know, but i am willing to sacrifice my strict adherence to the truth for the sake of melodrama just this once). but whatever it was, it was doing a pretty good job of it. people were flocking to abduls desk like arabs at an oasis. soon they were running excursion trips and abdul was contemplating charging admission. but he maintains that he did ask for id. after all he had a certain responsibility to tomorrow's generation. my heart bleeds when i think of the anguish he must have gone through. through no fault of his, he was being associated with daku's deplorable trade.

and even as the crowds were gathering daku got wind of the security breach and rushed over for a quick grab-and-run operation to retrieve the goods. years of experience had of course made her quite nippy but if rumours are to be believed some of the folks did manage to get a snap or two of daku in the act. the last i heard, and this came from daku herself, was that the fbi was investigating her background! but these things probably happen for a purpose. it was the little nudge that propelled her from greatness to legendary. i mean just the other day she had sent some stuff (dvds ;-) ) for sood and one of glam's team-mates (who was at hq with him) had seen me carrying the stuff and had asked me where they were from and i had resigned myself to a long explanation.
"these are from hq. a lady we know sent it for some friends here..."
"ah",he interrupts. the guy's eyes practically lit up. he gazed into the void, lost in a reverie, oblivious of my existence, "the lady with the porn"...

daku's loot

abdul, sood, V... u guys owe me big time.

daku in a moment of misplaced generosity had sent some stuff for the above 3 ungrateful souls and the undersigned the "indian" way. poor chap didnt really realize what he was letting himself in for when she asked him to carry "some stuff" for her friends :-) anywayz, the chap brings the loot all the way to his office, probably cursing daku all the way there and calls up abdul and i to go over and rid him of the stuff. of course, anybody would think that if he wanted to do a thorough job of it he would have come over to our office (which is only half a km away) and delivered it in person with a happy smile on his face from the satisfaction of having done a good deed. but, probably due to some inexplicable flaw in character, he wasnt too keen on the good deeds and since abdul is a congenital bastard and refuses to do anything that involves dragging his posterior out of the office, it was urs truly who finally ended up going over to collect the stuff.

well the stuff included some dvds, a novel, some nail-polish and some weird stuff in small containers, which no doubt plays some major role in enhancing the feminine countenance. all i can say is that somebody should have packed it all in non-transparent stuff. i mean there i was waiting for the damn elevator (that building suffers from an acute shortage of elevators) and a couple of women come by and start staring at the stuff that i was endeavouring to balance somehow. and then they notice the nail-polish and the other thingummy and exchange meaningful glances (is there no decency left in this world)!

i had the futurama dvds on top of the pile and was quite unsure whether they were cool enough to counter the nail-polish and thought that maybe i should promote the book up the ladder. the problem with this was that i was underestimating daku's generosity. not only had she sent a book, but she had also put in one of those plastic things which show different images when we look at them from different angles. and when i was moving the book this piece of optical marvel seized the opportunity to jump right out of the book onto the floor. and there it lay proclaiming to the whole wide world "FUN" in big yellow letters. somehow i couldnt share its feeling of unbridled glee and picked the bally thing up with the 2 females, blights on the fair sex, following every movement.

"it also says sun", i explained with a grin as the elevator doors opened.

battle of middle earth

pictures from the battle. the victors write history.

the forces of neurohavoc and glam gather strength.

the lull before the storm. figo and dixit joins the cause of truth.

the bugle has sounded. there is no going back.

ashes to ashes... dust to dust...

grungy gift

people should stop giving their loved ones crappy gifts!

well lemme begin by describing the gift. about 2 years back one of my friends had bought an alleged cd-player. well one must admit that it did play audio cds and when pressed, also managed vcds but if u have this sleek portable cd player in mind, u r way off the mark. this one is a bulky monstrosity which the manufacturer blew up in size in the vain hope that this would beguile the ignorant customer into buying the damn thing. and when last seen (about 18 months back) this had been, in a moment of frustration, dropped on the floor resulting in a screw-up in the latching mechanism - a mark of protest by the player to let my friend put any more cds in it. of course, he, without taking the hint, continued to torment it by inserting the cds and preventing their ejection by means of some weight (ususally a book purchased with the intent to read). if this was the state it deteriorated into (from a pretty bad beginning) in 6 months one can only imagine what toll 18 more months of atrocities and abuse would have taken.

and it is this player that he gifted to the love of his life! a symbol of eternal love and caring! i was just wondering what the message was that he was trying to convey. or was there no message at all. which would be worse for it would be a random act of "kindness" with no thought or consideration behind it ;-)

well, the surprising part is that the lady is still with him and all is apparently well. when asked his explanation was that her need was greater than his! his exact words - "look at it this way, for her, its no less than a gold mine !!"... i need to meet this girl. i need to ask her if when she mentioned her "need" for a cd player she had in mind something that for want of a better name, people call a cd player. and if getting it was indeed her "gold mine". and if it was, i want to ask her where i can get a girlfriend like her!